Alone

Many times in life, I have moments of feeling alone. It could be on bad days, and even good days. Why do I let this happen to myself? The real question is, what can I do to make me happy?

As I stare at my phone, I begin to overthink about my life. Will I really make my parents proud, will I get to have a family, will I make a good living where I can support myself and my family, will I be happy? 

I see myself in the reflection of a bathroom mirror and I see hope. I see a guy that has gotten this far in life and that can continue to do more if he tries. I can see happiness. I just can’t feel it.

I have met many people who hide themselves from the fact that they are vulnerable – that they are really scared. I’m scared too. I’m scared of not having a better future. And that’s okay. 

I think back to history class in high school. King Leonidas and the fierce 300 in the Battle of Thermopylae. They faced much worse. The is no way in hell that they weren’t scared but they fought anyways because they knew the bigger picture. They have the future depending on them, Sparta depending on them, family depending on them. They fought till there was no more fight in them. 

I’m writing to say that I am scared, but I can fight through it. This is weak shit. I need to pick myself up and move forward once again. I will have to fight this feeling everyday but I know it’ll be worth it. I can work hard for my happiness. Best of all, I have a family and a group of amazing friends that I know will and has always supported me. I can be happy. A little faith can bring you a long way. 

You are never alone. It’s time to pick up the pace.

Stick to your true intentions

It’s sad to say that most people like to create negativity in their environment. I’m not talking about a couple of jokes from friends – I’m talking about bullying. Bullying can be a very broad term, often looked at as “being weak”, but it’s goes much further than just a word. 

You hear stories on the news that kids are commuting suicide because of classmates saying that they don’t like how the kid looked or how he spoke. The worst part, many parents decide to push the behavior aside. I’m not telling those people how to raise their kids, but if they are becoming such a nuisance and causing trouble, that should hopefully trigger your “parenting instinct” and help you take action. Many issues can be often avoided; unfortunately, It’s just that many people decide they have far better things to do in their life. Those being bullied, stay in there and keep your head up. You aren’t alone, and someone out their cares for you and loves you. 

Beside that, almost all of us are victims because we bully ourselves. We see other people with the $1000 jacket, or the yeezys, or Gucci flipflops – and we HAVE to buy them. Why? You want to look like you have a lot of money? Honestly, that is okay because those are your intentions – but please don’t regret your decisions. Pay your rent first, keep a roof over your head, put food on the table, etc. If your intentions are to get people to think you have money – than so be it, but do not act like a victim when you were given the opportunity to invest your money to a craft, to a charity, to your personal health, your future business, your art, etc. Let’s prevent this bullying to ourselves!

I can’t lie, at first, I wanted all of the clothes and shoes that celebrities wore. It was until I had to pay bills, when I first got a job at age 15, that took me to realize that it is a chore to want those things. I would have to work 40 hours a week, 8 hours a day, for at least 3-4 months, after paying my bills and taxes, to afford just one of those items if making $9 an hour). I also realized that if I did purchase said item, I would be back to $0. Broke. Done. Just because I tricked myself to thinking that if people saw what I wore, they would like me better. I’m blessed to have family members tell me that it would be the most idiotic decision to ever make. So I took their advice.

But don’t you buy car parts? What makes that any different? The thing is, I can afford them now. I can make these purchases, afford a home, own a car, and put food on the table. Aside from that, this is my art. I have always loved the ideas of how cars are just a sold canvas that needs a bit of modification to bring out it’s true colors. And if it can support the way my car can drive (because it is a daily car) than I will make the investment. 

In the end, that is my true intention. I want to build this car as if I am painting the modern Mona Lisa. This is my Mona.

Stick to your true intentions, for the betterment of yourself and others, and you’ll generate a life of happiness for yourself and possibly for those in your environment. 

My biggest fan

Mom.

I don’t believe there can be an end to show you how much I appreciate you. 

You brought me into this world 22 years ago. From what I have learned growing up, that, itself, was a very difficult task. Even before that, you faced the difficulties of learning the customs of a new country. A couple of dollars to your name and a goal, that’s all you needed. 

You escaped Vietnam several times and got your break. Unfortunately, it wasn’t easy to get settled in America with no work experience. You found a few jobs – many to which you didn’t enjoy, but you worked hard. You didn’t have time for us because you were trying to work to keep food on the table. We all understood.

Growing up and going to school had many weird moments. Kids would complain because they didn’t get the right juice in their lunch box or didn’t get a new set of clothes for school. I didn’t want to put that negativity in our lives, so I made the best of everything. Fast forward to when I got my first job. I must admit, it was pretty difficult to know that I had to pay bills at a young age. I never understood in the beginning; however, I kept reminding myself the times you took care of my brothers and I. I was even lucky enough to have friends that work and pay bills and understood where I was coming from. I received a lot of motivation in my life and I couldn’t let my mom down.

Most importantly, my older brother had been the person to push me and guide me to growing up at an early age. He tells me that everything will be okay and continues to motivate me to this day. In the end, I kept asking myself, If my mother and my older brother can do it, why can’t I?

In time, things did get better.

You have gone through a lot; From escaping communism, to adjusting to the customs of a new world, to learning the language, to taking care of 4 boys, to working three jobs to making ends meet, and now finally retired.

Don’t worry mom, you have done more than enough. It’s our turn. I love you so much and I am proud to say that I am your son. You have always been the perfect fan.

A day to remember

I’m spending time with my girlfriend and her family at the beach, and they are the most loving people in the world. And they feed me ALL the time. 

It’s nice to unwind and take some time off. A vacation doesn’t have to be at the beach, in another country, etc. Vacations could still be in your home. Take some time out of your life to unwind. Take a few days off, or a week, to yourself and recuperate. I have had many “vacations” in my life to where I strictly worked on my car and nothing else. The feeling was pure bliss. Like no one in the world could bother me. Even the most extroverted person in the world has moments of introversion.

I can almost guarantee you that this time -dedicated time – may even teach you a thing or two about yourself. I hope you all enjoy your weekend, and to not forget the ones who have sacrificed their lives to keep us and this country protected!

Enjoy your Memorial Weekend, Everyone!

Story time

I hope for those who are following along start to realize that I name every post a “story.” It’s not that I don’t like the word blog, or post, or elaborate essay – but it’s something I believe can differ from others and their writing. Many people have different way of naming their work.

I mean, you don’t see people calling Leonardo Di Vinci’s paintings “drawings.” It’s an art, which many seem to refer to them as “masterpieces.”

This is my art. I am working on my writing and getting better – day by day. I enjoy it completely because it helps me throw my thoughts into meaning rather than keep it bottled up. It isn’t healthy. As of now, it feels like I can reach out to many people and possibly connect more personally.

These stories are all real. They are personal, they happen in real time, and they exist. Some are good and some are bad, but that is life. There is Yin, and there is Yang. The balance of life. There are times where it’ll just be days of relaxation, but i want to share it with you because what I go through in life can certainly be similar to many of you reading. If you are comfortable with talking to me about the good and the bad in your life, reach out to someone – to me. Keep the conversations flowing. Life without communication is meaningless.

Thank you for your support – and I hope you all continue to enjoy my stories.