Alone

Many times in life, I have moments of feeling alone. It could be on bad days, and even good days. Why do I let this happen to myself? The real question is, what can I do to make me happy?

As I stare at my phone, I begin to overthink about my life. Will I really make my parents proud, will I get to have a family, will I make a good living where I can support myself and my family, will I be happy? 

I see myself in the reflection of a bathroom mirror and I see hope. I see a guy that has gotten this far in life and that can continue to do more if he tries. I can see happiness. I just can’t feel it.

I have met many people who hide themselves from the fact that they are vulnerable – that they are really scared. I’m scared too. I’m scared of not having a better future. And that’s okay. 

I think back to history class in high school. King Leonidas and the fierce 300 in the Battle of Thermopylae. They faced much worse. The is no way in hell that they weren’t scared but they fought anyways because they knew the bigger picture. They have the future depending on them, Sparta depending on them, family depending on them. They fought till there was no more fight in them. 

I’m writing to say that I am scared, but I can fight through it. This is weak shit. I need to pick myself up and move forward once again. I will have to fight this feeling everyday but I know it’ll be worth it. I can work hard for my happiness. Best of all, I have a family and a group of amazing friends that I know will and has always supported me. I can be happy. A little faith can bring you a long way. 

You are never alone. It’s time to pick up the pace.

Stick to your true intentions

It’s sad to say that most people like to create negativity in their environment. I’m not talking about a couple of jokes from friends – I’m talking about bullying. Bullying can be a very broad term, often looked at as “being weak”, but it’s goes much further than just a word. 

You hear stories on the news that kids are commuting suicide because of classmates saying that they don’t like how the kid looked or how he spoke. The worst part, many parents decide to push the behavior aside. I’m not telling those people how to raise their kids, but if they are becoming such a nuisance and causing trouble, that should hopefully trigger your “parenting instinct” and help you take action. Many issues can be often avoided; unfortunately, It’s just that many people decide they have far better things to do in their life. Those being bullied, stay in there and keep your head up. You aren’t alone, and someone out their cares for you and loves you. 

Beside that, almost all of us are victims because we bully ourselves. We see other people with the $1000 jacket, or the yeezys, or Gucci flipflops – and we HAVE to buy them. Why? You want to look like you have a lot of money? Honestly, that is okay because those are your intentions – but please don’t regret your decisions. Pay your rent first, keep a roof over your head, put food on the table, etc. If your intentions are to get people to think you have money – than so be it, but do not act like a victim when you were given the opportunity to invest your money to a craft, to a charity, to your personal health, your future business, your art, etc. Let’s prevent this bullying to ourselves!

I can’t lie, at first, I wanted all of the clothes and shoes that celebrities wore. It was until I had to pay bills, when I first got a job at age 15, that took me to realize that it is a chore to want those things. I would have to work 40 hours a week, 8 hours a day, for at least 3-4 months, after paying my bills and taxes, to afford just one of those items if making $9 an hour). I also realized that if I did purchase said item, I would be back to $0. Broke. Done. Just because I tricked myself to thinking that if people saw what I wore, they would like me better. I’m blessed to have family members tell me that it would be the most idiotic decision to ever make. So I took their advice.

But don’t you buy car parts? What makes that any different? The thing is, I can afford them now. I can make these purchases, afford a home, own a car, and put food on the table. Aside from that, this is my art. I have always loved the ideas of how cars are just a sold canvas that needs a bit of modification to bring out it’s true colors. And if it can support the way my car can drive (because it is a daily car) than I will make the investment. 

In the end, that is my true intention. I want to build this car as if I am painting the modern Mona Lisa. This is my Mona.

Stick to your true intentions, for the betterment of yourself and others, and you’ll generate a life of happiness for yourself and possibly for those in your environment. 

What’s to come

Yesterday. A memory for us all now. We never know how the future will be for us all. We can only try our best today so that we can look back to a memorable yesterday and a brighter tomorrow. 

Tomorrow. Things can never happen if we keep telling ourselves that we will try our best “tomorrow.” That’s not good enough. You are lying to yourself. Eventually, tomorrow may never come. And you will regret it. I have, plenty times in my life. One after the other, my opportunities passed by as someone else was willing to say “today.” Enough is enough. This is my word. 

Today. This is my path, and this has given me a pace. Better late than never. Get up, be prepared for what’s to come, and execute. You may stumble upon some difficulties through the day, and that is okay. These are obstacles that will pave the road for tomorrow. The rest, they say, is history.

Stay tuned.

Late Night Marauder

A little late on my post, I presume. However, who isn’t fashionably late? 

A lot has been going on in my mind, to where I am understanding more about how happy I am in my current situation. Before I begin, I never expected to tell anyone about this because I expected criticism in the lines of being a failure and such. Who gives a shit? As long as you are happy, work hard, and you are able to contribute your happiness and support to others – I believe that can stand for success.

Back to what I was about to announce – I am a college dropout, I have a Government job, I own a home and car, and I am 21. Let’s break this down a little more. WHAT.

What was I thinking dropping out of college? For short, I wasn’t really interested in school. Now, to many of you, it seems like a stupid idea. Honestly, at the time, I was thinking the same thing. What gave me a bit of hope was my older brother telling me “This is your life. There are many people that have done well in life and haven’t gotten a diploma – but those exact people are the 1 percenters of the world.” This goes back to my favorite saying (this is mine, I don’t need to cite shit), from my last story, “my path, my pace.” I believed that I had a better future than to just pay my way to earning a piece of paper that will say my name and not guarantee a job. So what did you do? I worked my ass off, got myself an internship, worked even harder, and stumbled my way into government work. 

I work and make a pretty good living. Doesn’t mean that I’m going to stop here. I just need to gain more experience and work harder. There might be a time where I will have to blossom and pursue a different company that can support me. However, I do a great job and the work is in a field I am knowledgeable in. Getting this job was hard. I applied to dozens and dozens of jobs before getting a call back – finding out that they were interested in what I can provide (with my skills and knowledge from my internship). Nevertheless, after many interviews, three weeks roll by and I was awarded the job! My beautiful girlfriend sat right next to me, in my car, listening to the job offer voicemail. Take as many attempts as you possibly can in life. It may not work the first time, but it sure as hell will work one day.

I own a home and a car. These are great accomplishments, but mainly I purchased this home for my mom and the car was a gift to myself (as seen in the pictures). My mom has been working hard her whole life, taking care of my brothers and I. Ladies and gentleman, she worked three jobs just to take care of baby me. If that doesn’t say hard work and dedication, than I don’t know what is. Sadly, many of us were or are still in this situation. I want to tell you that it is okay and it will continue to be okay. One day, you’ll realize that your hard work has paid off and that you’ll feel empowered to want to do more, and to give back. Use your situation as your fuel and drive towards your dreams.

Age, really, has nothing to do with anything.  I have been in tough situations, was (and still am) mentored by my hardworking family, and I have been broke. You start to appreciate life a bit more with nothing to your name. My piece of advice for you is to work your ass off, take as many attempts as you possibly can until you succeed, and use your situation to drive towards your dreams. Follow your path, and your pace. 

What is the right path for my life?

We are all brought into this earth with different opportunities. Many have parents who can provide for them, parents who are working multiple jobs to put food on the table or to make ends meet, don’t have any parents at all, and the list goes on. You hear stories of princesses and princes in the world and you want to be just like them. Unfortunately, this life isn’t too much of a fairy tale.

Fuck that. This life can be anything we want it to be. However, we must be able to follow our path and our pace. These are my two keys of advice, for all of my readers, to get through your day, month,  year, and lifetime. I’m speaking mainly to the majority of the people who have no idea what they want to do with their lives. Don’t you worry, I was there too. 

“My path, my pace

I wanted to be many things growing up. I wanted to be a physical therapist, a skateboarder, a lacrosse player, a singer, a YouTuber (for video games), and a programmer. I was lucky enough to find my passion in computers and… well…. programming looked me in the face and told me to search no more….